well sorry that it has been so long since i blog. alot of things happen and i do not know where to start. firstly i had an amazing time at the Hi-5 concert. i had to babysit my little cousins who wanted to go and i thought it would be lame and stupid but then it got really fun and i know this might sound childish but i sang along to the songs too. the theme of the concert was super heroes. and i was thinking of a super hero and what kind of super hero i wanted to be! was laughing out loud! then headed to hall 6 at expo for the mph warehouse book sale. look around at the books and it made my head dizzy but i got to buy alot of books. will start reading it when my holidays are starting. cant wait! and yesterday was alif's birthday! he turned 2! he got the battery operated motor that he can ride around and he got a remote control car. and when his sisters wanted to play with it, he scolded them! HAHAH! and my sister told me that her friend's father just passed away. and i felt so sad. well have to get ready for school for remedial. will post again soon.


i find this really nice and useful. so i think i should blog about this
9 lasts:
1. last cigarette: nope!
2. last beverage:..erm.. crysenthemum tea
3. last hug: my gfs
4. last movie seen: last present
5. last cd played: daddy yankee
6. last bubble bath: few months ago
7. last time you cried: last night
8. last time you were hungover: never!
9. last person you talked to: my best friend!
8 have you evers.
1. have you ever dated one of your best friends: yes!
2. have you ever skinny dipped: not yet.
3. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: nope.
4. have you ever fallen in love: yes! but i blew it
5. have you ever lost someone you loved: yes.
6. have you ever been depressed: alot of times!
7. have you ever been drunk and thrown up: nope.
8. have you ever thrown up cuz drinking on an empty stomach: drinking? well if it is plain water well yes but other stuff.. NO!
7 states you've been to.
1. kl
2. terengganu
3. jakarta
4. los angeles
5. mecca
6. madinah
7. las vegas
6 things you've done today.
1. slacked
2. practice and practice
3. talked
4. think about my life
5. having loads of fun with my gfs!
6. dreamed
5 favorite things in no order.
1. my gfs!
2. best friend!
3. my phone
4. my room
5. my blog
4 people you can tell [almost] anything to.
1. best friend!
2. dawn
3. vega
4. aishah
3 wishes.
1. to get wonderful grades for my final- year
2. to have a nice body
3. to have someone whom i will love and cherish and he will do the same
2 things you want to do before you die.
1. have kids.
2. have a peace of mind
1 thing you regret.
1. not praying that much!


had the worst day today!
got my results and it was badly done! i feel so freakingly low now..i feel like having a cookie! i feel that i let my parents and my sister down. well i am sorry but you guys should understand my plight and my situation now. i am under alot of pressure and you can still blame me for everything. what am i to you? i feel so bloody tired now!i really have to buck up during the june hols. no more going out and slacking around. have to start cracking the books. and memorise all the formulas from sec 1 till now! oh gosh! if this is my results for Os i am so dead lah! i cant even do a bloody mid-year paper. and what am i going to do to my life then? i feel everything crashing down now!
had practice today.. and i hurt my neck and shoulder. bruised all over. feel so painful but they jsut would not care. so dont even bother to talk to them now. why must i live in this misery without no one to turn to.
Ever had that feeling when you know you're missing someone really badly but you're just too selfish to set aside time for that someone cos you're worried that he/she wouldn't appreciate it at all and you wonder if the person misses you too?
i think that i miss alot of chances in life. i gave him up and now im alone. why msut this happen to me? i am really sorry if i hurt you so badly. i know you were hurting inside but i just ignored it. i wish we could be friends again like last time and wished that we could start everything again. please do not ignore me anymore. everytime i feel lonely i think of you when you will always call me and ask me how i am and how i was feeling. i feel so happy when you called me and even msg me everyday without fail. but why did i do that to you? why? i know it wasnt you but me. i was really dumb and stupid! please forgive me! what was i suppose to do. i didnt have time.
i feel so unfaithful to the one.


today and yesterday was ok.. i might say.. had praxis which is this class about financing your life and spending money and saving it..i was like so rich for the first part then i was jobless and got retrench 10 times altogether.. i got a job then 5 mins later i am jobless! like WTH! was so dumb lah.. and today had to do this dance to get the jackpot.. ahah!! i was so lucky!! i got it!! darn funny lah!! and after school played netball for awhile and i got smacked on the face by the ball!!ouch!haha!! but altogether it was fun! i just so love it.
i think i am feeling something.. but i dont know what and how it got there? and who? god! my mind is blank! i am living in fear.. without no one to guide me.. i feel so bloody stupid! why?
and i feel so sad for the people in Indonesia because of the volcano which erupted.. i think i should repent and start doing good things! i am really scared.. i just want to take my last breath with a peace of my mind knowing that i did establish something in this world. and i would want to be smiling when i leave this world! i really wish i could do something foe the people living in Indonesia. why them? why now? is something happening? GOD PLEASE HELP US! SHINE YOUR LIGHT TO US! i will pray everyday for the safety of others and mine!
till my next post..byes! loves..


HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE!
I JUST WANT TO TSAY THAT I LOVE MY MOM ALOT! AND WITHOUT HER I AM NOT COMPLETE IN THIS WORLD!
I LOVE YOU!

went out for dinner with my family and gave my mom, my aunt and my grandmama their cards! hehe.. made it like yesterday night while watching zathura! how lame cna i get.. feeling better now! and starting to appreciate my life now! i love you guys! and i just want to say sorry to the people i hurt! i am truly sorry! i love you guys!
well i will post next time.. till then! byes..


OH GOD! i seriously feel like i am trapped in this world now and could not get out till i reach the age of 40! FUCK! i feel damn stress when i am at home and in school. and i know my mid terms are coming but that does not mean anything.. it is just that i cant stand this tension anymore.! and i feel that i may burst anytime soon! I FEEL LIKE CRYING BUT NO TEARS COULD COME OUT! damn it! why do they have to be like this to me? i feel the need to have someone right now but i could only depend on myself!
I HATE MY LIFE!
ESPECIALLY THE PEOPLE LIVING WITH ME!
they always take each others side but not me.. and i will always be alone. i cry everynight but they do not know that! i shed a tear and always think of killing myself but they still do not know. i draw or even wirte songs to vent my anger. i hope they understand but they will only understand when they really know how i feel! WHY! GOD PLS DO HELP ME RIGHT NOW!
feeling this pressure alone is seriously killing me! i cant take it anymore.

stuff i want to overcome
1. the MID-TERMS
2. HEIGHTS!
3. my FAMILY
4. the pressure
5. and the thought of me being alone!

fucking hate it!
just drop dead and die!